[00:00:00]
Hey, I'm Alessio Summerfield and you're listening to Metal Gear Mondays Backlog.

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If you hear some weird shit about patreons that aren't this one, don't listen to them.

[00:00:11]
Just go to patreon.com slash metalgear mondays or soundcloud.com slash metalgear mondays for

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cool stuff. Enjoy the episode. This week on Metal Gear Mondays, fuck literally.

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Metal Gear Mondays

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Ladies, gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to Metal Gear Mondays, the Games Club book club style

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podcast where we cover Metal Gear solid games from top to bottom left to right inside and out in

[00:00:54]
chronological or sometimes not chronological order and sometimes literally inside and out.

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As always, I'm your host, Alessio Summerfield, and this week I'm joined by Sam Wright.

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Hi, I'm Sam and I think that the best part of Cheez-It Snack Mix is the little white buffs,

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and I think that there should be more of them in the box and I'm starting a petition who is with me.

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And Isaac Lim?

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Not Isaac. I will not be signing that petition.

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Welcome to the show, guys.

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He's not Isaac for this episode because he does not want his name attached to this.

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Also, is nobody with me on the buffs from the Cheez-It Mix? Come on.

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I don't know if I've had Cheez-It Mix, so I'm not going to be the best judge for this.

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Oh man, that's important.

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I'm sorry. As always, this podcast is brought to you and produced by Forever and Astronaut.

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You guys can talk to all of us in the Slack and check out some fun extra shit and get some

[00:01:57]
really cool free content by visiting patreon.com. forever and astronaut or check out the rest of

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our shows at foreverandastronaut.com. Yeah, so yeah, so.

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There's no graceful way to segue into this, so just fucking go for it.

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All right, let's do it.

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So I was scrolling through Destructoid on my news feed the other day and there was a

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lovely article talking about how a parody pornography film based on Metal Gear Solid 5

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was being produced and there's a trailer available, which will be included in the show notes.

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It is, I believe, a safer work trailer because it's on YouTube.

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There originally was a not-safer work trailer on that Destructoid post, but it was since swapped.

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Anyway, our curiosity's got peaked. I thought it was funny.

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I'm pretty sure that everybody in the Slack, me and Sam included, were curious as to why the

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fuck they didn't do Metal Gear Solid 3 Snake Eater, which just seems like the forerunner for

[00:02:54]
pornographic period. It's not its own like, it's already built in.

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Like it's got a built in porn, its own name is its porn parody.

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Yeah, it has a porn name. It's got a funky 70s porn James Bond soundtrack.

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The waterfall sequence may as well just be porn.

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Yeah, well essentially you're like, so we're gonna get into it.

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You're swapping quiet out for Eva and you have the same main character, so why the fuck not?

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So anyway, this is Isaac's first foray into Metal Gear Solid 5, and I apologize, Isaac.

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The official revertainment.

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I hope the spoilers won't too much for you.

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Yeah, the official title of this, and yeah, we're gonna try it really hard to not

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spoil 5, so if you guys are playing along with the show, don't worry about any sort of spoilers.

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Obviously, everybody knows that there's a character named Quiet, that's a sniper in Metal Gear Solid 5,

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that's not really a spoiler, and likewise to Big Boss having a robotic hand is not a spoiler either.

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So that's pretty much the extent of what could be spoiled in this, so don't worry about it.

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But yeah, so the official title of the film is Metal Rear Solid, The Phantom Pain.

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It's fucking awful, you guys.

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Is that a real slang? I'm not hip with these.

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Oh, the word pain?

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Yeah, is that a real?

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Yeah, like an internet pain, or like my...

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E-peen?

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Yeah, my E-peen.

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That's a thing.

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You get into enough arguments on 4chan and you get the biggest E-peen, dude.

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Yikes.

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So yeah, as the title implies, there's a lot of anal sex to the point where we're going to talk about it.

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Is it an uncomfortable amount of anal sex?

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I think it's...

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No, there is no other type of sex.

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Well, there's a little oral, but then it very quickly becomes anal, and then back to a little oral,

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and my stomach was fucking flipping, and then back to some anal.

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A2M.

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A2M.

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Yeah, it's much.

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It's ass too much.

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But yeah, this is our...

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Congratulations, boys.

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We recorded 50 episodes.

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Let's celebrate with an awkward pornography.

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But yeah, just to give you guys a little bit of information,

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and I was going to do a whole straight-faced intro.

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I was just going to be like...

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Fucking generalities.

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Yeah, Metal Rear Solid, The Phantom Pain.

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The Phantom Pain was directed and produced by Brazzers Entertainment and released in 2017 worldwide.

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I can't remember...

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Does anybody have the slack pulled up?

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I can't remember who the actors are.

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I can get it really quick.

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Okay, there's...

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She said fucking worldwide.

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World star.

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Oh my god.

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Jesus Christ.

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Oh.

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But yeah, there's only two...

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So just so you guys know, there's a runtime of 32 minutes on this thing.

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It's essentially like one scene that goes on for a really long time.

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And there's only two actors in it.

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And I believe technically a third if you include the voice actor at the end.

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So the actor who plays boss is Charles Darra.

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Okay.

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And the actress who plays Hushy is Casey Calvert.

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Yes, so if you guys are fans of either of those two people,

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you welcome to the show.

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And Anil.

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I really, I'm hoping that this is the hybrid crossover event of the season that we need to bring metal gear and porn fans together.

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So before the show, me and James are talking about what this means for Forever and Astronaut.

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And I was telling him that I think what it means is that our behind the scenes Forever and Astronaut podcast Nocturnal Transmissions needs to just exclusively become a porn reviewing podcast.

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Oh, for sure.

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Yeah, especially with that name, right?

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Well, that's what we're going to do with this podcast when we run out of metal gear, right?

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Yeah, it's just going to be all about porn.

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Yeah, guys.

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So as Sam alluded, boss and big boss and quiet are here, but they're not big boss and quiet.

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It's like somebody killed big boss and quiet and stole their skin and ward around for a little bit.

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They're just named boss and quiet is named Hushy.

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And she's she's she's named Hushy because she doesn't talk a lot and because she has a nice ass.

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Oh, yeah.

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It's in the opening credits.

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Super human ass.

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Yeah.

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It's in the opening credits.

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And can we just talk about the attention to detail here?

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I mean, the production value is actually like is literally like.

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What's he really good?

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I think that's not what I was going to say at all.

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The production values like leaves a lot to be desired, but they put a lot of budget into their opening title.

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And the I'm talking about closing scene.

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I was very surprised.

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I did not expect it to be that, you know, I don't want to say.

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Well, so welcome to the future of pornography.

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So my favorite thing about watching 70s VHS porn for the past like 20 years.

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On a VHS like he's not just.

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You got to go broke, man.

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No, he's like looking for 70s VHS porn on like porn hub.

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Yeah.

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Like specific.

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I got to have the track.

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I heard about this thing for me.

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The VHS.

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My favorite part about this thing is that like is that like somebody,

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the people who made this had a very good understanding of Metal Gear Solid 5.

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Like they made a joke about the the airlifting the goats.

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Yes.

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They had like when when quiet shot when I'm sorry, hushy shot at snake in the beginning.

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They had that like white line like to symbolize the symbolize the danger.

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Like the where the hit was coming from.

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Like somebody played this game and understood it enough to make this porn.

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And I can kind of appreciate that.

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Yes.

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So let's.

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Should we.

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Oh, go ahead.

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I'm sorry.

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I'm I was just we may be doing this.

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I don't know.

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But should we step through the events that occurred?

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Oh yeah, we're going to go.

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I don't know.

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I play this is general.

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We're going to do this.

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Okay.

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So just a little bit of information here.

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This is a shot on location in low Cal.

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That's a lower California.

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Catch the previous episode of the show.

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And and yeah.

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So essentially what we're dealing with is big bosses on a typical mission.

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I guess he's dropped in and he's got to find a target and he encounters hushy on the way.

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And they get into a firefight and as all good firefights do they end in finding love on the

[00:09:43]
battlefield and love and hushies.

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But well really quick.

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Can I talk about.

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So the first thing that happens is this fucking helicopter.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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So the most incredible like like the production values on this helicopter crash is is somehow

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both the worst thing ever and also probably where they spent most of their budget.

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Yeah.

[00:10:09]
For this movie.

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And then as snake or sorry Jesus Christ as boss is walking is walking.

[00:10:18]
Down like down these barren low Cal deserts.

[00:10:22]
His like information about the mission pops up and you find out that he is a trouser which

[00:10:28]
is an acronym that stands for tactical reconnaissance operative wielding substantial erection.

[00:10:36]
I forgot about that.

[00:10:39]
Oh my God.

[00:10:39]
I also think that they put a lot of money into the opening credits because they're very

[00:10:45]
much so done like in the vein of like.

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If you've seen the Metal Gear Solid 5 trailers where you see like the cool light streaks and

[00:10:52]
then like the text kind of fades in from the from the flare.

[00:10:56]
They do it man and it looks I mean it doesn't look great but it looks pretty good.

[00:11:01]
Looks like a college student trying to do like a Metal Gear Solid 5.

[00:11:05]
It looks like somebody with a video editing like tutorial.

[00:11:08]
Yeah.

[00:11:09]
Tutorial on like a website YouTube tutorial made this introduction.

[00:11:14]
Jesus.

[00:11:15]
But yeah so that all happens.

[00:11:17]
Let's talk about boss here for a second.

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This guy's like fake as fuck.

[00:11:23]
The guns are very clearly toys.

[00:11:27]
And just so everybody knows like if you're not going to watch this the robot hand is essentially

[00:11:34]
just like a fucking a Hulk hand spray painted red.

[00:11:37]
Yeah.

[00:11:37]
It looks like a watch a glove.

[00:11:40]
It looks like a child's Iron Man gauntlet.

[00:11:42]
Oh my gosh.

[00:11:43]
You go to Target and you look in the toy section you pick the Iron Man toy and that's what he's

[00:11:47]
wearing on this thing.

[00:11:48]
It's the Infinity Gauntlet but like made out of balloons.

[00:11:51]
On the same with his eye patch.

[00:11:53]
Yeah.

[00:11:54]
It's like yeah it's like Pirate's eye patch that you get at a costume store.

[00:11:58]
I just love how Scarz are like sharpied onto his face.

[00:12:04]
Later on because he's wearing a glove on the other hand and later on he takes his gloves

[00:12:09]
among other things off and I was half expecting him to take the hand off to you

[00:12:15]
which would have been so perfect.

[00:12:18]
Oh god.

[00:12:19]
But yes.

[00:12:20]
Oh man.

[00:12:20]
So that's essentially it and then he boss comes over this hill and then we have this whole like

[00:12:28]
weird like one on one battle that ensues and like snakes trying to snipe at this

[00:12:38]
boss is trying to snipe at Hushy and she's trying to snipe at him but they're like 10

[00:12:42]
feet away from each other and can't hit each other.

[00:12:48]
It's awful.

[00:12:49]
My favorite part I think hands down at the entire thing is boss shoots at Hushy and then it goes

[00:12:55]
into like bullet time slow mo and we see this like fucking awful.

[00:13:00]
Like I'm talking like lost helicopter CG graphics looking fucking bullet like it looks

[00:13:07]
like somebody like got it off like an open source marketplace for like blender or something.

[00:13:14]
This is a fucking bullet just like cartoon goes past Hushy's face and she doesn't even blink.

[00:13:23]
Because she's Hushy.

[00:13:24]
Yeah.

[00:13:25]
The production value on her as well.

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I was a little I was underwhelmed with the eye makeup.

[00:13:31]
Sam.

[00:13:32]
Oh my gosh.

[00:13:32]
Yeah.

[00:13:32]
Am I the only one.

[00:13:34]
She looked like a raccoon.

[00:13:36]
Yeah.

[00:13:37]
She looked like she had like been out drinking the night before and just like forgot to take

[00:13:41]
her makeup off when she went to sleep when it was.

[00:13:43]
She looks like it wasn't even like quiet face makeup where whenever she goes into like battle

[00:13:47]
mode and her face makeup gets all like crazy looking like they didn't even do that at all.

[00:13:52]
Yeah.

[00:13:52]
It's like it looked like they just like punched her in the bullfrog.

[00:13:54]
There you go.

[00:13:56]
Possible.

[00:13:57]
It's the part of the tree we don't know.

[00:13:59]
Just a donkey punched her in bullfrog.

[00:14:01]
Yeah.

[00:14:01]
Well and so it's funny that we're nitpicking all this stuff because ultimately we all know

[00:14:07]
where this is going to go and yeah.

[00:14:12]
I can't even remember what predicates the fucking.

[00:14:14]
I'm pretty sure it just kind of happens like snake gets up on her.

[00:14:18]
So so they have like so he so he finds a piece of cardboard not about yeah that's right cardboard.

[00:14:25]
Yeah and it comes this comes in a play later.

[00:14:28]
Obviously sneaks up on her like way obvious and of course they're 10 feet away from each other

[00:14:33]
and they don't make any like any effort to hide the fact that they're 10 feet away from each

[00:14:37]
other.

[00:14:37]
Yeah.

[00:14:38]
Do it.

[00:14:39]
So he sneaks up behind his cardboard box.

[00:14:42]
He throws the box down and barely like screams at her scares her.

[00:14:47]
I'll her and then they have like in the context of what this is a very rapey CQC scene.

[00:14:54]
Yeah you're right.

[00:14:55]
And then yeah and then she utters her first her first of two lines which is because he

[00:15:02]
gets the best of her and he says a snake never never lets his prey escape.

[00:15:07]
He didn't say escape.

[00:15:08]
He says escape.

[00:15:10]
Spilled with an axe.

[00:15:11]
And and then she says and she says your dick my ass.

[00:15:23]
And then proceeds proceeds to start giving him a beach.

[00:15:29]
And then he says your dick my ass.

[00:15:38]
He says a snake eater.

[00:15:40]
Huh.

[00:15:41]
Show me.

[00:15:41]
Oh

[00:15:51]
and then she begins to show him her moves.

[00:15:54]
Oh god.

[00:15:55]
And like I was worried about her like she was getting really all in on it and I was afraid

[00:15:58]
she was gonna vomit.

[00:16:02]
Like it just sounded like that did it not sound like she was gonna.

[00:16:05]
Yeah it just kind of sounds like porn blowjobs where it's just real

[00:16:10]
threading.

[00:16:11]
It makes you like not want to blowjob.

[00:16:15]
Yeah so I will say this this was the one moment where I was like guys you did good good source

[00:16:21]
material usage.

[00:16:23]
The camera angle for whenever hushy is a go mountain mountain down on some trow

[00:16:30]
is the sort of same angle that quiet is that when she's in the helicopter and does her sort of like

[00:16:36]
infamous hand on each side of the helicopter and like lean into the camera with her boobs

[00:16:41]
hanging down if you guys know what I'm talking about you know what I'm talking about saying nope.

[00:16:46]
Yes I know I got you.

[00:16:47]
So like her like provocative helicopter bullshit idle stance where Kojima productions just

[00:16:52]
got real sleazy in five pretty much the same camera angles when she's a slurpin on the

[00:16:58]
on the pocket snake on the knob there.

[00:17:01]
Yeah so so Isaac how are you feeling about this so far.

[00:17:06]
Walk us through walk us through what led you to your emotions.

[00:17:10]
I was you know in the moment when Snake was on that mountain you know I was I was with him.

[00:17:18]
I said oh man hushy.

[00:17:20]
Do you feel like you were playing Melgios Solid 5 early.

[00:17:22]
I did yeah I was like is this what MGS 5 is like and but then all right so then he grabs

[00:17:30]
the cardboard box and it's all over from there just kind of it it just goes downhill so fast.

[00:17:37]
Yeah then it's fumbling in the dark.

[00:17:41]
Oh my god yeah so so so yeah I was with him to this point.

[00:17:49]
Okay yeah I will.

[00:17:51]
So I will go ahead and say the box that lost you.

[00:17:54]
Yes it was the box that lost you.

[00:17:57]
I will I will say in this moment I was like all right like she's an attractive lady like this is

[00:18:06]
adult material like this this is fine like this is okay like it makes it makes sense for what it is.

[00:18:13]
As it continues though I found myself just I don't know like I'm not I'm not a shrewd by any

[00:18:20]
stretch of the imagination but just like this film was not sexually arousing to me in the slightest.

[00:18:30]
No I was gonna say like I never wanted to I never wanted to touch my dick left.

[00:18:36]
That's good to know Sam.

[00:18:37]
I've been watching this video.

[00:18:38]
Yeah like I just want you guys to know there was it was a strict no bone zone while I was watching this.

[00:18:45]
It's kind of like a no fly zone except for its boners.

[00:18:50]
Yeah so it's not like me as you can see I'm got our rocks off and now we're telling you on our conquest like it was just kind of

[00:18:58]
it just I don't know it just kind of washed over me like it washed over me like when you guys

[00:19:03]
suddenly like walk in on a friend's gas that they've passed and not thinking that anyone's going to be walking that way.

[00:19:10]
It's kind of like turned the corner and walked into a fart and just sort of was like get this out of my face.

[00:19:16]
Also I didn't I don't know if this was for whatever reason but I found myself kind of

[00:19:23]
skipping forward a little bit.

[00:19:25]
Yeah this is a little I got a little boring.

[00:19:29]
I don't know.

[00:19:30]
So so so like real talk Sam did you pull a nick for Ada you went through the whole thing and

[00:19:36]
I pulled us I pulled a snake's revenge on this point and like I've never actually watched a porn

[00:19:42]
all the way through and I do not want to get into the specifics of why but the point stands.

[00:19:46]
I have never done that before.

[00:19:47]
Before now.

[00:19:48]
Oh gosh I think I can fill in with my imagination.

[00:19:52]
And I did it for I did it for the show.

[00:19:55]
I did it for like like that's the thing like it should really tell you how bad snake's

[00:20:00]
revenge is that I was willing to sit through this.

[00:20:03]
Yeah and not and not snakes.

[00:20:05]
Wow.

[00:20:06]
In the end it all goes back to snakes revenge.

[00:20:08]
Yeah that's the thing though because like we were talking about how like if snakes

[00:20:13]
revenge didn't exist like perhaps the rest of Metal Gear wouldn't have existed and like

[00:20:19]
that would have been fine because then we would have never had this porn.

[00:20:22]
That's true.

[00:20:23]
Yeah we'll say so the music is very um I think somebody paid for like a 20 a day Metal Gear

[00:20:29]
sounds like.

[00:20:30]
Generic.

[00:20:30]
Yeah.

[00:20:31]
Yeah it's just real real generic.

[00:20:34]
They won them like they went on to like Fiverr.com and said I want a song that kind of sounds

[00:20:39]
like it belongs in Metal Gear but not too much.

[00:20:42]
Yeah.

[00:20:44]
It's true.

[00:20:45]
But but so to continue.

[00:20:48]
Take us take us on this journey because at this point I believe me and Isaac were just

[00:20:51]
scrubbing through and my scrubbing through was just a series of different positions of anal.

[00:20:58]
So Sam you missed like are you gonna run us through the different um positions that

[00:21:05]
we hit.

[00:21:05]
Yeah walk walk me through this and like dance.

[00:21:07]
Seems like you got a pretty detailed ride up going.

[00:21:10]
I don't know about like that there's a lot there's like a lot of cowgirl at one point.

[00:21:15]
So he hits her from the front he hits her from the back he hits her from the side.

[00:21:17]
Yeah.

[00:21:19]
Well he hits her from the side can I just say like like

[00:21:25]
trying to fuck on your side is the most awkward shit ever and they're even

[00:21:29]
directly proving this in the video like they look like they're having trouble.

[00:21:34]
They're also in the but yeah oh yeah that's gross but like

[00:21:39]
like all kinds of bugs in there is Chris yeah every time the wind blows it's just real bad for

[00:21:43]
everyone.

[00:21:44]
Oh dries out too much.

[00:21:50]
So this guy is muttering like muttering over the course of like getting this blowjob

[00:21:55]
and I keep on expecting David Hader's voice to come out which would have made a thousand

[00:22:01]
times better and weirder at the same time and he gets this he's getting this

[00:22:10]
he's getting this blowjob and then he says it's time it's time for a tactical advantage

[00:22:19]
and I'm like Jesus Christ and that's when that's when the butt sex

[00:22:24]
is.

[00:22:27]
I can't think of anything drier than butt sex in a desert in the middle of the day.

[00:22:35]
Does snake pack like Vaseline in his like utility pouch like what's going on.

[00:22:40]
How dry was that how dry was that sandwich it was drier than butt sex in the desert in the middle of the day.

[00:22:47]
I'm gonna start using that.

[00:22:50]
This is awful you guys.

[00:22:52]
And like well they're all full keeping half their tactical tactical gear on.

[00:22:57]
Oh yeah for sure like he doesn't like she's wearing like these how she is wearing these

[00:23:03]
like leggings that have like holes ripped to them and he does that like a porn thing where he

[00:23:07]
rips the leggings open to reveal the tactical advantage.

[00:23:11]
And like they're going they're going at it and I just want to throw this out there.

[00:23:20]
This this quiet rip off is very not quiet.

[00:23:24]
Oh no and I think that total silence would have been way more uncomfortable and potentially

[00:23:31]
funny.

[00:23:32]
That would have been so weird.

[00:23:34]
Way more uncomfortable potentially funnier probably wouldn't put would make it seem a little

[00:23:39]
bit more like like rape.

[00:23:42]
Yeah perhaps this whole thing.

[00:23:45]
Yeah this yeah I just guys feel really gross watching this.

[00:23:52]
It's coming from a human being who's watched some adult videos in the past and like no thank you.

[00:23:59]
Like I think it's because like I think it's because it's based on something that you love.

[00:24:06]
It's true like I want to like

[00:24:09]
a cup like a year or two ago I watched the the Doctor Who porn makes it mostly because I was

[00:24:15]
curious and like I didn't like that one bit.

[00:24:19]
Yeah it's I don't even know so this is from the same guys that brought you the Overwatch porn.

[00:24:26]
I feel like I probably would have watched that one and been okay just because of how colorful

[00:24:30]
and goofy it all is.

[00:24:32]
This just felt kind of I don't know it felt like watching like mom and dad or something.

[00:24:37]
It was real uncomfortable.

[00:24:41]
After a certain point in this video I was just starting to question I was going to be like

[00:24:46]
is there going to be like any P and V at all because there's a there's an uncomfortable

[00:24:51]
amount of butt sex in this video and there was like a point there's like a point where the P

[00:24:58]
almost slips into the V accidentally and normally it's the other way around and like they're just

[00:25:04]
really all in on like not doing traditional sex at all.

[00:25:10]
Yeah it was once you go A you can't go back you know.

[00:25:14]
It's true not unless you bring can't go to V.

[00:25:18]
Unless you unless you do Aston Mouse so that's fine.

[00:25:21]
Yeah and that happens several times.

[00:25:24]
Yeah one I guess I would have to because of how dry everything is.

[00:25:28]
Oh my god.

[00:25:31]
Yeah just god damn you guys this was not like it started out funny and then about halfway

[00:25:36]
through I was like oh no.

[00:25:39]
Yeah the entire time there's not even a little bit of like V in there.

[00:25:43]
He like has he like there's not even like other people like half expected like other

[00:25:48]
characters to pop up because they're going to do it.

[00:25:52]
You know what I mean or at least like another scenario or something but no it's just a half

[00:25:55]
hour of like two grown people cosplaying as metal gear characters like pummeling

[00:26:01]
buttholes in the desert.

[00:26:05]
It's just like there was like a point where he has a little bit of lunch

[00:26:09]
but like there was nothing there was nothing else to do with the V in that video at all.

[00:26:14]
A little bit of lunch.

[00:26:17]
Yeah he was eating or like groceries for a little bit.

[00:26:21]
Like a roast beef sandwich right.

[00:26:22]
Yeah.

[00:26:23]
Oh kind of look like one.

[00:26:25]
Yeah I'm going to go through this out there guys and this might be what's making me like

[00:26:28]
real uncomfortable.

[00:26:30]
There was a shot where you could like clearly see like the undercarriage and I feel like lady had

[00:26:37]
like either something had like some sand had gone up there or she was like yeastin or something

[00:26:42]
but like there was just a shot where it looked real gross down there and I just I was not having

[00:26:50]
it I was pretty sure I got up and like got a drink of water.

[00:26:58]
Because like watching it made you feel dry.

[00:27:02]
So what's funny is the whole time that we're talking about this and like passing this file

[00:27:06]
around Nick Fray does in the in the slack and he's like I totally forgot it was like late at

[00:27:12]
night on Valentine's Day that I'm watching this and Kristen Kristen had like she started

[00:27:19]
her master's degree so she had like a lot of class on Valentine's Day and I was like working

[00:27:23]
late so we ended up doing Valentine's Day on Wednesday instead of Tuesday.

[00:27:27]
So Kristen's like asleep in the other room and I've just got headphones on fucking watching

[00:27:30]
this video and then Nick's just like oh you better hope Kristen doesn't walk in on you

[00:27:35]
and I was like oh my god like of all the things to be walked in on like this is the worst.

[00:27:41]
I was gonna say are you still married is that still a thing.

[00:27:44]
Yeah I just turned in yell at her I'm doing it for the show.

[00:27:49]
No I'm not whacking off I'm doing research.

[00:27:53]
Yeah I was like fully clothed like I was extra clothed while I was watching this like.

[00:27:59]
You had to put layers on.

[00:28:00]
Yeah my yeah my person was behind like multi layers of like key card access pants.

[00:28:09]
So I had forgotten to like watch it like for the show and I remember that we were going to do it

[00:28:17]
today so I watched it.

[00:28:20]
No I like scrubbed through it when I first downloaded it just to see

[00:28:24]
so I watched it at work today.

[00:28:27]
Oh what and nothing is more awkward than watching this video just sitting inside

[00:28:35]
just hoping to god.

[00:28:36]
Yeah you're surrounded by way more comfortable places to fuck than lower California.

[00:28:44]
It was really weird.

[00:28:45]
Hold on I need to we need to talk about how the cardboard box comes back into play here.

[00:28:50]
So this upset me like they couldn't even fucking build the box so what do they do they pop that

[00:28:56]
shit down like they're about to b-boy dance battle and then they just pummel buttholes on the cardboard box.

[00:29:04]
I wish you would stop saying pummeling buttholes.

[00:29:15]
It was coming in thick like.

[00:29:21]
So do you guys have anything about anything else because the middle is just a lot of long.

[00:29:25]
Well so the ending is really like there's a lot of stuff that's happening at the end but like

[00:29:33]
the end or the opening.

[00:29:35]
Oh yeah what if at the end they would have just cut please not the end.

[00:29:38]
No no.

[00:29:44]
Carry on.

[00:29:45]
I was kind of hoping that boss would like be muttering Metal Gear catchphrases and at the time

[00:29:50]
I was kind of holding out hope that he would scream Metal Gear as he climaxed.

[00:29:55]
But he didn't but he didn't I was very disappointed.

[00:29:59]
But like as they're as they're fucking not Kaz cops on the walkie talkie the radio shack walkie

[00:30:08]
talkie and and tells him that he's been dark that he's been dark and he's trying to figure out where

[00:30:15]
the fuck he is and at this point quiet udders her final lines her final two lines.

[00:30:23]
Yeah hushy my bad hushy I do not want to be smirks quiet with this.

[00:30:27]
Yeah hushy why it's a water shirt this is this is something else.

[00:30:34]
Hushy udders the final of her two lines in this video that aren't like moans and like squeaks

[00:30:41]
which is I don't this is more uncomfortable to say than the first one she says you're

[00:30:48]
your come my face and then they proceed to go for the awkward

[00:31:00]
like only three fish there only two lines are you your dick my ass

[00:31:09]
and then after she says that they go for the awkward pre facial hand job that like you see oh yeah

[00:31:15]
yeah Jesus Christ and then like he busts on her and then and then the walkie talkie

[00:31:25]
and then not Kaz comes back to life and um there's a fucking game over screen yeah like classic

[00:31:32]
Metal Gear Solid one game over yeah and then there's a wonderful codec sequence at the end

[00:31:38]
that looks like South Park and Metal Gear had a baby

[00:31:47]
they have like a codec conversation with not Kaz who is actually not Colonel Campbell

[00:31:53]
yeah I'll I'll cue it here.

[00:31:56]
Bob are you okay?

[00:31:58]
You were right she has an amazing ass what happened out there I got some tactical espionage action

[00:32:06]
is what happened you captured her she she was stiff competition now there's a new member of the

[00:32:14]
Diamond Dogs turns out she's a real snake eater some stories stay out on the battlefield though

[00:32:23]
bought that um oh yeah yeah she gets indoctrinated into the Diamond Dogs

[00:32:29]
yeah for some just because of yeah she's a valuable ass apparently apparently

[00:32:41]
so after so after this game over screen and this codec conversation they start they start walking

[00:32:49]
off into the sunset and there's a fucking goat being fucking

[00:32:58]
fucking airlifted to the goddamn mother base and it's like somebody was just like this will be

[00:33:06]
fucking hilarious to call back to the beginning of the porno but it just looks ridiculous just

[00:33:10]
fucking like fake goat like clip art goat with this clip art parachute and then it like launches

[00:33:16]
up into the air like it's being being air back to the fucking mother base I wish they would have put

[00:33:22]
like the sound whatever the Jesus and then and then after that happens they do a fucking dramatic

[00:33:32]
recap of the porn like oh yeah what the fuck was it it was all slo-mo shots what the fuck

[00:33:38]
yeah it's all like slo-mo dramatic recap of like with intense music like the whole thing

[00:33:43]
yeah who like was it like for all the smart people who didn't want to watch 30 minutes of

[00:33:47]
breast sex and just wanted to rip one off really quick like is that what that was for or

[00:33:51]
it was for utility brazilians is thinking of its of its viewers I like to it was like it knows it's

[00:33:57]
it knows it's not it did like how they they kept on calling back to the bj like they would have

[00:34:03]
scenes cutting back and then they kept on cutting back to the bj and they got a little bit more

[00:34:09]
intense as it were and then can I can I point out like I know this is like a losing battle but

[00:34:16]
can I point out a very unfortunate continuity error that took me out of it quite a bit

[00:34:23]
can we tell you how the visual language was just so cluttered and I couldn't quite tell what the

[00:34:26]
filmmakers are trying to tell me what they're mishandling yes very true um but no it was god

[00:34:36]
when she says you're you're tick my ass at the beginning they don't go into the butt sex they

[00:34:42]
go into a fucking beach and it's like she just told you where to put it my dude like are you that

[00:34:46]
stupid what the fuck she's prepping because it's rolled so sandy down there yeah you can't just

[00:34:51]
go in straight away sam so they had got sand in her for jj they hadn't developed the vaseline jelly

[00:35:00]
you at mother base yeah yeah so the last thing that I want to say and again like this is like a

[00:35:06]
real stomach curdling video for me like I wasn't enjoying any bit of this no um when it got to

[00:35:13]
the end it was doing the slow-mo shots there was very clearly like an in-depth slow-mo shot of like

[00:35:21]
dude blowing a load and like you seeing it in slow motion allowed you to a look at the color

[00:35:29]
and it was like very like split pea soup green which i was disgusting number two you can see the

[00:35:38]
very unhappy face on hushy and number three she very much so was like dodging come like it was the

[00:35:47]
fucking matrix like she's like it was like a formality to like oh yeah you gotta go on my face

[00:35:53]
because this is a porn video but you could just very clearly tell that she was just like micro

[00:35:57]
twitching to like dodge like globs of goop oh god it was disgusting you guys like I just thought it

[00:36:06]
was I was not a happy camper and then when I finished watching this I brushed my teeth and

[00:36:12]
immediately went to bed I was like I'm done here it was like I was kind of disappointed there wasn't

[00:36:20]
like one critical spoiler in it because like I like some Kojima weirdness mixed in with my porn

[00:36:27]
give them me honest very good um is there anything else we want to say about this fucking thing

[00:36:35]
really fuck no yeah yeah so it's very hard to find credits for this so I have no fucking clue who

[00:36:41]
shot it or who directed it or any anything but if you're interested if any of this is appealing

[00:36:46]
to you you can go to brazzers and check out the film um but yeah so that was that was the thing

[00:36:56]
yeah fuck I don't I don't know where to go from here um I will say if you are interested in some

[00:37:00]
like actual Kojima stuff um dice uh the the summit for game devs and the international excuse me

[00:37:10]
yeah the academy of international the academy of interactive sciences and entertainment no one

[00:37:16]
more time last time the academy for interactive sciences and arts uh just put out a free youtube

[00:37:22]
series um about game designers um and it's like all triple a game devs um and one episode on

[00:37:30]
Kojima and it's very good so you should check that out it's free it's free on youtube um besides that

[00:37:35]
I think Kojima just put out like a two hour interview uh as well that James was actually

[00:37:39]
watching out of curiosity and he said it was very good um so that's that's a thing um but yeah

[00:37:45]
other than that uh you can get in slack and talk about the porn with us if you want which which we

[00:37:52]
have been doing yeah a lot of actually I'm surprised there haven't been any like gifts dropped in yet

[00:37:57]
but it might get to that point um anyway yeah that was uh that was the episode uh this day that

[00:38:05]
we released the split episodes if you want to just go ahead and roll on to the next episode

[00:38:09]
where we're going to talk about generalities for Metal Gear Solid 4 besides this we're getting

[00:38:13]
into our proper season for Metal Gear Solid 4 so it's going to be a ton of fun definitely stick

[00:38:17]
around for that um yeah if you like us talking about porn um just keep it to yourself I really

[00:38:24]
don't want to know that you want more of them but if you want to leave an iTunes review uh or

[00:38:31]
rating uh that would help us out a lot likewise uh like in the facebook page facebook.com slash

[00:38:35]
Metal Gear Mondays would be awesome um and you can go to patreon.com slash forevernationaut

[00:38:40]
or forevernationaut.com for cool goodies and to support the show and get on the slack um and uh

[00:38:47]
likewise if you're on the slack um typically um we'll ask questions and kind of poll people on

[00:38:53]
there as well so if there's uh anything that you want to say or if you want to be kind of a

[00:38:57]
voice helping guide the show uh definitely hop on there that'd be fun um or share your comments

[00:39:03]
on facebook but yeah so that's that's been this episode um Sam working people find you on the

[00:39:08]
internet um you can find me on twitter at sam rite dps um you can also go to soundcloud.com

[00:39:16]
slash radio rite um i haven't put anything else on there yet but i'm working on it so

[00:39:23]
sick isaac cannot be found um isaac working people find you 404 cannot find us yeah uh

[00:39:32]
do you have anywhere you want to send people isaac sure i'll send you up to locale try to find the

[00:39:38]
lower california yeah i don't want to go to locale after this yeah no no no no no um but yeah uh

[00:39:47]
likewise i just want to make an announcement um the old episodes of japanopod are going to be going

[00:39:51]
back up uh this friday is episode one getting reposted with a new intro and then episode two

[00:39:58]
goes up next friday and then japanopod will probably go out uh i'd say biweekly on fridays um

[00:40:06]
sam will be joining me on some of those isaac i might be able to get to join me as well hopefully

[00:40:10]
you guys want to be on that um word the one thing that i will say about the show which is kind of a

[00:40:14]
realization that i came to today because uh spoiler alert um forever nationals can be producing

[00:40:19]
some video content for the uh podcasts on the on the network uh mainly because dev diaries just

[00:40:25]
gonna have video content attached to those episodes anyway of that podcast um but we're

[00:40:30]
gonna try and put together i don't know how the fuck anything's gonna get put together for this

[00:40:33]
episode of metal gear monday um but we're gonna try and put like gameplay like uh james is gonna

[00:40:39]
edit gameplay footage of parts that we're talking about over the podcast audio for youtube so if

[00:40:45]
you want to like watch the play through you can check it out that i was gonna say uh for this episode

[00:40:51]
yeah i don't know i don't know about this one um it'll be like mr mr mr reik newt if i could petition

[00:40:57]
you please do not do this episode um thank you yeah um the other thing that i was gonna mention is

[00:41:07]
besides having guests occasionally on japanopod and i definitely want to try and have a fair amount

[00:41:11]
of those episodes um i'm actually gonna try to do uh both for the video component to be a little

[00:41:19]
bit easier to do for that show and just in general because some of the topics uh aren't

[00:41:24]
necessarily like the i don't know most compelling to talk about in like a playful manner i'm also

[00:41:30]
gonna be doing some like single person almost like essay style like 20 minute episodes on like

[00:41:37]
research and stuff um so if you're really into japanese culture um we're gonna have fun guest

[00:41:43]
episodes but we're also gonna be talking about aspects of japanese culture and like kind of uh

[00:41:47]
a punchy but like informative kind of like super bunny hop style uh kind of like deep dive into

[00:41:55]
some stuff like why is smoking so popular in japan or like i don't know just other interesting

[00:42:02]
cultural things like the history of j rock um why is super sentai yeah so yeah end of sentence

[00:42:09]
yeah sam's gonna be on our sentai episode which would be great um but likewise to dev diary the

[00:42:13]
podcast starts in april and so uh that'll be awesome as well um so yeah check out the other shows

[00:42:19]
like i said check out all those other places and um sam do you want to somehow guide us to the closing

[00:42:27]
statement of the show i don't know how we're gonna get there from here well i'm not gonna guide us

[00:42:32]
anywhere i'm just gonna fucking do it because i want this episode to be over as soon as possible

[00:42:35]
it's just a box and they fucked on top of it thank you sam you're welcome